Having Difficult Conversations When Tragedy Strikes
When tragedy strikes, there are no words. But plenty of questions.
Why his daughter? Only 13.He was such a legend and so young. Only 41.
And why the other children and parents who still have children to raise?
Where were you when you heard the news? When your phone buzzed, and the headline shared the tragedy of a helicopter crash causing the death of a national treasure.
Kobe Bryant battled the toughest titans on the court. How could a foggy Sunday morning be his biggest, most brutal opponent?
There’s no escaping the shock and sadness that comes with a tragedy. Especially one that receives media attention that will likely last for weeks. But there are ways we can help our children and each other cope.
According to Terry Stancin, PhD, director of child and adolescent psychiatry and psychology, parents can expect children to ask questions and express sadness and or fear.
“They may seek reassurance that their parents or siblings are not in danger and will not die,” she says. “This is a good time to emphasize that the accident was very unusual and reassure them that they are safe.”
It’s also a good time to express your feelings.
“Times like this remind us to hug our loved ones, especially our children,” she says.
Dr. Bob Smith, director of MetroHealth's medical staff assistance program, concurs.
“Life is a precious gift,” says Dr. Smith. “We were told that growing up as children. And yet we fill our days with unimportant things. Don’t let the unimportant things in life get in the way of the really important things, like telling your loved ones that you love and cherish them.”
Certainly, one of the hardest things about being a parent is having the tough conversations about topics like death and dying.
“We talk about our houses, our jobs, and our vacations, but the one thing we all face, an important thing – we don’t talk about,” says Dr. Smith. “We don’t even know which words to use. Died? Passed away?”
Dr. Smith encourages parents to talk with their children at the level they will understand and to be genuine and sincere.
“We don’t have to say a lot, we just have to be there for them and ask if they have any questions,” he says.
Betsy Hamm, a MetroHealth chaplain, warns that tragedies like this may reawaken emotions from our own experiences that caused great emotional distress.
“That old grief we know can bubble up and come to the surface,” she says. “It happens all the time and we might not even be aware of what triggers it. Things like this may cause us to revisit experiences that maybe aren’t resolved or may never be resolved. The important thing is to be open to conversations and acknowledging your feelings.”
“We don’t do grief well in this culture,” admits Sandra King, also a MetroHealth chaplain. “We say, oh, you’re sad, have a cookie.” Sandra suggests admitting to children that you don’t have all the answers and help them explore what their own hearts are telling them.
“We can support children in finding their own answers. Let’s admit, ‘That’s a good question, what do you think?’ You don’t have to have the perfect answer to this difficult question.”
Sandra references a favorite passage from the children’s book, Going on a Bear Hunt. “You can’t go over it. You can’t go under it. You just have to go through it.” We each experience grief differently, and there’s help through it, if needed.
The MetroHealth System is redefining health care by going beyond medical treatment to improve the foundations of community health and well-being: affordable housing, a cleaner environment, economic opportunity and access to fresh food, convenient transportation, legal help and other services. The system strives to become as good at preventing disease as it is at treating it.
The system’s more than 600 doctors, 1,700 nurses and 7,800 employees go to work each day with a mission of service, to their patients and to the community. As Cuyahoga County’s safety-net health system, MetroHealth plays an essential role in the region, caring for anyone and everyone, regardless of an ability to pay.
Founded in 1837, MetroHealth operates four hospitals, four emergency departments and more than 20 health centers and 40 additional sites throughout Cuyahoga County. The system serves more than 300,000 patients, two-thirds of whom are uninsured or covered by Medicare or Medicaid.
MetroHealth is home to Cuyahoga County’s most experienced Level I Adult Trauma Center, verified since 1992, and Ohio’s only adult and pediatric trauma and burn center.
As an academic medical center, MetroHealth is committed to research and to teaching and training tomorrow’s caregivers. Each active staff physician holds a faculty appointment at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine. Its main campus hospital houses the Cleveland Metropolitan School District’s Lincoln-West School of Science & Health, the only high school in America located inside a hospital.
Knowing that good health is about much more than good medical care, MetroHealth has launched the Institute for H.O.P.E.™ (Health, Opportunity, Partnership, Empowerment), which uses a coordinated, collaborative and strategic approach to help patients with non-medical needs such as healthy food, stable housing and job training.
The MetroHealth Glick Center, a new 11-floor hospital, is under construction on the system’s main campus in Cleveland and is scheduled to welcome its first patients in October 2022. The billion-dollar project is the cornerstone of a wider neighborhood revitalization effort led by the system and its partners in the community.
For more information, visit metrohealth.org.